Mass Effect: Beacon of Hope
by TheIdiocyWizard
Summary: Tali has rejoined the Normandy, but she finds that Shepard is in deep emotional distress. She must do something for him, even if it means putting her feelings for him aside. She just wants him to be happy.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fanfiction, and it's really just an experiment. I have written other things before, but always my own self consciousness would get the better of me and I would refuse to publish it on a site such as this. But now I've decided to get over myself and publish something. Any and all feedback would be highly appreciated. **

**I would like to continue this all throughout the events of ME2, and possibly even ME3 (though changing some of the details of how certain things play out), but that depends on if anyone is interested in my writing. So please, give me as much feedback as you can muster. **

It had been roughly an hour or so since she was rescued from Haestrom. She could still remember how the heat of the planet felt. It was terrible. She was glad to be off that planet. But now she wondered what she should do. She had practically upgraded half of the engines systems already, and she wanted to leave some work left undone, so she would have something to do later. Shepard had told her he would come by and check up on her, but it had been quite some time since she arrived and there was still no sign of him.

She was worried about him. She had always been, but now his condition seemed to be worse since the time of the first _Normandy_. He tried to hide his pain, and he did a good job of it. But she was an expert on body language, and his was riddled with grief. The galaxy had been rough on him, and he did not forgive it.

She remembered the trip back to the _Normandy_ on the shuttle.

_Shepard was staring at the floor, his face not giving any emotion away. But she could see it in his eyes. A deep pain that crawled its way to the surface._

_She wanted to try to brighten his mood._

_"Well Shepard, you seem to make a habit of saving my life. You're starting to make me look bad."_

_He continued to stare at the floor a moment longer, before lifting his head, with a slight smile on his face._

_"We could always turn this thing around, drop you back off in front of a swarm of Geth. Maybe you could salvage your reputation?"_

_They both chuckled with each other. It felt like they were back aboard the old -Normandy-. But it didn't last. Soon the smile faded from Shepards face and he dropped his head again. Tali continued to watch him, hoping for a sign that just maybe she had brightened his mood. It seemed, however, that the moment had past, and he was again recalling whatever memory that pained him earlier. Tali dropped her head with guilt. She tried desperately to think of a way to cheer her Comander up._

_She lifted her head again and looked to Garrus, searching for a sign that she was not alone in her concern. When she met eyes with the Turian, it was clear that he felt the same way that she did. He too could sense Shepard's pain, and wanted to do something about it. Now was his turn to try to brighten the mood._

_"Well, if we did turn around," He began, "The only one who would need to repair their reputation is you John. You let a failed C-Sec officer get a higher kill count than you." He said with a light laugh. "I'm starting to worry that Cerberus messed something up when they rebuilt you. Well, other than your face, that is."_

_This got an immediate laugh from the Commander, who then proceeded to lightly punch the Turian on the shoulder._

_"Of course I let you get a higher kill count. I felt you needed the moral support, you know. After all those times I saved your ass from the fire, and stole all your money at poker." He added with a wide grin._

_"That's just because of your damn human rules. It makes it too hard to bend the game in my favor."_

_The two continued to laugh some more, but again the mood died and Shepard dropped his head once more. Garrus looked at Tali and shook his head. But now was not the time to talk about it. Tali decided that she would go to see Garrus after settling back in on the_ Normandy.

A few minutes later, Tali heard the hiss of the door to engineering open, though she pretended not to notice it.

_Okay, here he comes. I hope he's not feeling too bad. Oh keelah, what should I say? Perhaps..._

"Tali?"

The voice from behind her startled her. She knew he was coming, but she got lost in the rambling of her own thoughts. She turned around to face him, and found that his condition was relatively the same as when he was on the shuttle. This, again, worried her.

"Oh, hi Shepard. I was wondering when..."

She was interrupted by the raising of his hand.

"Please, Tali. You're a good friend of mine. Call me John."

She was surprised with herself. Why had she been calling him Shepard this whole time? It's not like she didn't consider herself his friend. Was it out of respect? But then something hit her.

_He called me a friend._

Again, the idea was not foreign to her, but to hear him say it made her feel...good? Yes...good. She had always enjoyed his company.

_He has such a wonderful smile. I wish he would show it more often..._

Shepard cleared his throat, interrupting her train of thought. It was then that she realized that she had been silent for a while.

"Oh, sorry...John." She continued nervously.

_Why am I feeling nervous? What is wrong with me today?_

"Was there something you needed?"

He tilted his head slightly as he asked, "How are you holding up? Things got a little tense down there."

She nodded her head in agreement as she remembered the events on Heastrom. She had lost a lot of people down there, and all for some simple data of a prematurely aging star. She wanted to right personal letters to the family of each of the people who lost their lives, but she didn't know what to say.

"Many good people died down there, but I'm glad you were able to save Kal. At least I didn't lose everybody..." she breathed as she dropped her head in guilt.

She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. It surprised her at first, but soon it's warmth calmed her. She raised her head to look Shepard in the eye. His voice was incredibly soft as he spoke, and his eyes more so.

"You did everything you could. Don't blame yourself."

She continued to make eye contact, getting lost in his gaze. Her guilt fadede from her, as she started to believe him.

-Perhaps I should broach the subject of his own pain. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I didn't try to help him.-

"To be honest," She began, "I...I'm more worried about you."

His hand stiffened on her shoulder, and he tilted his head quizzically. He held that pose for a second, then dropped his hand and took a step back.

"Why do you say that?" He asked. His voice had grown a little stern.

_Have I upset him. Oh keelah, I hope not. But I have to see if he'll open up to me._

She pressed on.

"Shep...John. I can see it in how you carry yourself...h-how you act. I...I can see it in your...eyes."

She was growing more nervous by the second, and she started fidgeting her fingers with one another.

"I...I want to help you."

Now all she could was wait, to see how he would react. But all he did was stare at the floor, seemingly lost in thought. He stayed this way for some time. A small frown had formed on his face, and she could see his pain find its way in his eyes. She desperately wanted to help him, for him to open up to her. But he remained silent.

Suddenly he lifted his head and said matter-of-factly, "It's nothing."

her heart sank at his refusal to talk to her about it. But she was stubborn and would not give in easily.

"Please, John..."

But she was interrupted.

"It's nothing."

"I only want to..."

"I said it was nothing."

"But..."

Suddenly his face grew contorted with anger, and a fire spewed up in his eyes. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.

"I said it was nothing!" He screamed.

Tali felt herself quiver in fear. She had never seen him like this before, and to see his anger directed to her was one of the scariest things in her life. But worst of all, it deeply saddened her. She felt a lump in her throat and her eyes began to moisten.

"I...I'm sorry, Shepard. I...I just wanted to...help."

Almost immediately the rage faded from his face, and was replaced by grief, guilt, and self loathing. He dropped his hands from her shoulders and looked to his right. Both Ken and Gabby were staring at him with confusion on their faces, but they quickly turned away when he looked at them. He looked at Tali one last time, a deep frown formed on his face. She could see on his face that he had not meant it, that he immediately regretted what he had done.

Before she could say anything though, he briskly walked our of Engineering and to the elevator. Tali looked down at her hands and saw that she was trembling. She did not know what to do. A small part of her was thankful that he had left, but an even bigger part of her wished that he had stayed. She did not hold a grudge against him, and she wanted to tell him that. She knew that he didn't mean it, that he was sorry, but she had lost her chance.

She looked over at Ken and Gabby again, and again they quickly turned away from her when she looked at them. She needed someone to talk to, and there was only one person who would understand. She quickly entered the elevator and hit the button for deck 3.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, after receiving a few positive reviews, I ****have decided to continue this story. This is a rather quick update though, so don't expect me to keep pumping out chapters this quickly all the time. The only reason I have this one done so soon is because I pretty much already had it written at the same time as the previous chapter, just in case things went well and people actually liked my story. To be honest, I wasn't expecting reviews so soon, never mind positive ones.**

**Well anyway, I hope you enjoy Chapter 2. And again, any and all feedback is highly appreciated. **

Once the elevator hissed open she immediately stepped out and made her way to the forward battery. What had happened with Shepard was still running through her mind, and she desperately wanted to talk to someone. She could still see his face, as if she were still in engineering, and he was still wearing that cold, angry expression. She shivered at the thought of it. But then she remembered how he looked after he realized what he had done. The regret that filled his face was almost as painful to see as the rage, if not more so. She knew that he was beating himself up about it. She had wanted to follow him, and tell him that she forgave him. But, and she felt extremely guilty because of this, she was afraid to.

_Oh keelah, I don't know what to do. Hopefully Garrus will._

Right before she entered to forward battery room however, she stopped dead in her tracks.

_But should I tell him about what happened? Would Shepard consider it betraying his privacy? If he did, how upset would he be?_

The image of Shepard's face appeared in her mind again, and she shuddered though that only made her feel worse. She stood outside the door for a few moments then, sighing, turned around and started to walk back towards the elevator. Before she could get far though, the door behind her opened and she could here Garrus surprised breath.

"Oh, hello Tali. What are you doing here?"

_Oh dammit._ She thought to herself.

She turned around quickly to face the Turian and was met with his curious gaze.

"Oh, Garrus. I was just...uh...well..."

Garrus simply raised his hand and nodded. He could tell by her tone that something was wrong and he waved her inside the room he just came out of. Tali slowly walked inside and looked around. There wasn't much light inside the room, but she didn't mind that much. In fact, it slightly reminded her of the flotilla. Then she realized that this was no the time for reminiscing and she pushed the thoughts away.

Garrus had allowed her to walk in first before following her in. He waited for the door to shut behind them before he started the conversation.

"Now, I know what's wrong. You met Donnelly. I know, it's horrible, but you got to give the guy a chance!" Garrus said, grinning.

Tali couldn't help but smile at Garrus, even though he couldn't see it. She chuckled before telling him the real problem.

"No, it's...it's Shepard. I spoke with him and..."

Shepards face appeared in her mind again, the intensity of his rage burning in his eyes. She couldn't take it and her knees buckled. She sat down against the door and buried her helmet into her hands, weeping softly.

Garrus was shocked at what just happened. He had not been expecting it, and he didn't know what to do. A frown formed on the Turians face as he sat down beside Tali and put his arm around her in an effort to comfort her. She leaned in to him, longing for some form of comfort. She sat there and cried for a few moments before Garrus spoke.

"What happened?" He asked as softly as he could muster.

Tali continued to cry while she spoke to him. She told him everything, from how gentle and kind he had seemed when she was talking about her friends on Heastrom, to how she tried to get him to speak about what was bothering him, to the sudden rage that took control of him, to how sorry and guilty he looked when he walked away. Garrus just listened to her as she spoke, trying not to get angry at Shepard.

Tali lifted up her head to look at Garrus, then sat up. She had felt him tense up as she was telling him what happened. She could see that there was a hint of anger on his face.

_Oh no.._. She thought.

"What are you thinking, Garrus?"

The Turian looked at her, none of the anger leaving his face. He stared at her for a moment before turning his head away again.

"Are you going to talk to him, or should I?"

She found herself standing outside the commanders quarters, not having any idea on what she was going to say. The only reason she was here was because she knew that it would be better for her to talk to Shepard about what had happened than if Garrus did, though that didn't exactly make her more comfortable.

She decided not to think about it any longer and just knocked on his door. She regretted it the instant she did it.

_Oh keelah, what did I just do? Oh no, how am I going to get out of this? What am I going to do?_

The hiss of the door opening startled Tali. She had not expected the door to open so soon. Shepard was standing on the other side, his face betraying the feelings of guilt and self loathing that were going through him. The sight of Tali only made things worse for him. He raised his hand, trying to wave her away.

"Please, just leave..." But Tali interrupted him.

"Shepard!" She said sternly, but her voice softened as she continued. "John. I know you didn't mean it."

He just stared at her for a moment before turning around and walking away from the door, leaving it open. Tali took this as a good sign, that perhaps she would be able to help him. She followed him to the couch as he sat down and massaged his eyelids. Then he looked up at her and his expression nearly moved Tali to tears. She could see that part of him wanted to tell her, to release this burden from his chest.

"Please," she said, some of her own sadness breaking through. "Tell me what's wrong. I want to help you, can't you see that?"

He lowered his head in shame, he could not bear to make eye contact.

"Of course I can." his voice was almost a whisper. "But I can't...I won't."

Tali almost screamed, she wouldn't give up now.

"Why not?"

Shepard's own voice was starting to rise, and Tali remembered how he looked when he yelled at her in engineering.

"I can't explain it."

_What if he yells at me again? I don't know if I'd be able to take that look again._

She decided to push her growing fear aside and sit down next to him. She raised her hand and was about to place it on his shoulder when he saw it in his peripheral vision and caught it at her wrist.

"Please...don't." To Tali's surprise, there wasn't anger in his voice. Instead, it had faded down to a mere whisper again. She looked deep into his eyes and found only the constant sorrow self-hatred that was a constant reminder of her failure to help him.

"Why?" She asked, matching his tone.

He let go of her wrist and let it drop before he replied.

"Because I can't."

Tali tried to rest her hand on his shoulder again, but again he caught it by the wrist, his grip tighter this time.

"I asked you not to do that."

When he let go of her, she let her hand fall. Her eyes began to moisten and when she spoke, she was unable to hide it from her voice.

"Why won't you let me in John? Tell me what is wrong."

Shepard merely dropped his head and shook it.

"You can't help me, Tali. No one can."

Tali was on the verge of breaking down. Here was the man that she cared more than anything for, the man she wanted more than anything to help, to heal, and he would not open up to her. If only he would trust her. If only he would realize that she could help him.

If only he felt for her the same thing she felt for him.

She stood up from the couch and walked towards the door. When she reached it she turned to Shepard one last time, her voice betraying her composure.

"I will be here for you John, if ever you change your mind."


	3. Chapter 3

**So, there are quite a few spelling/grammatical errors, as well as other things that I want to change, on the previous two chapters. However, it does not see as if this site wants to keep any of the changes I make to it, so I apologize for that. I will admit though that the reason all those errors are there in the first place is due to my own impatience, as I barely took the time to proof read them. I did take the time to proof read this chapter however, so I'm pretty sure I fixed everything up.**

**So anyway, I give a war thanks to all those who gave reviews, and I hope you enjoy this new chapter. And, as always, any and all feedback is highly appreciated.**

* * *

The days events played over and over again in Tali's mind. She did not know what tomorrow held in store for her, she only hoped that it would be better than today. She did not intend on giving up on Shepard, even though her last words of the day to him implied that she would leave him be. Instead, she had hoped that maybe what she said would get him thinking, maybe influence him to change his mind. She doubted it, but she dared to hope.

His angry expression flashed in her mind again, but she did not fear it anymore. Rather, the face she feared most was the one he wore during their conversation in his cabin. That look of utter self-hatred plagued her. It haunted her every time she closed her eyes.

She decided to give up on sleeping tonight, and now pondered over how to occupy her time. Staying in her room was out of the question however, so she got out of her bed and left the room. The lights in the mess area were still on, and this is where she found herself drifting. Perhaps she would find some small comfort in the lights.

Or maybe not. As she entered the mess area, she noticed someone sitting at one of the tables. The figure did not seem to notice her approach, and she couldn't tell if she were grateful for that or not. As she continued on, she was debating with herself whether or not she should try laying a hand on his shoulder again. She remembered how he had reacted to that motion, but concluded that, if she succeeded, it would tell him that she cared for him. That he could trust her.

Quietly, she took in a deep breath and reached out her hand. Slowly she moved it forward until it rested upon his shoulder. To her surprise, he didn't really react. Instead he just exhaled sharply.

"Took you long enough." he said softly, though there was the slight sign of a grin in his voice.

Tali was rather taken aback by this.

"You knew that I was here?" She asked, keeping her hand on his shoulder.

"You're not as sneaky as you think." he joked.

They remained in silence for some time, and slowly Tali began to rub her hand on his shoulder. She could feel him start to relax under her hand. It lifted her spirits, gave her a hope that maybe she was making some progress. Suddenly she could feel him tense up again, and her hope was crushed when he said, "Please stop doing that."

She stopped rubbing and sighed. She dropped her hand to her side and began heading back to her room, but his voice stopped her.

"You don't have to go."

Slowly, she turned around and took a seat opposite him. For a moment she stared at him while he stared at the table. Then he looked up at her but immediately shied away from her eyes. He still could not bear to look at them.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked softly, still not looking at her.

"I couldn't sleep." She replied.

"Too quiet?"

She sighed deeply. "Actually, no. I've gotten used to the silence."

She said nothing else.

His eyes furrowed as he pondered over the possible reasons of her sleeplessness, but none were satisfactory.

"Then what's wrong?" he asked, genuine concern in his voice.

She wanted to tell him everything. She wanted to tell him about how she worried for him, about how much she cared for him, about how much it killed her to see him like this. But she didn't know how he would react. She didn't know if it would make things worse.

"I don't know." She lied.

Shepard nodded his head, as If that were the answer he was expecting. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Tali?"

She looked up to face him, but he still had his head down. Suddenly he pushed himself to look her in the eyes while he said what he wanted to say all day. Their eyes met, and the pain she could see in his face washed over her. A lump formed in her throat as he spoke.

"I'm not angry at you, but you can't help. Even if you could, I don't deserve it."

She could tell that he wanted to look away, but he forced himself to keep eye contact.

"I'm sorry."

He kept her gaze for a few more seconds before he stood abruptly and left her alone. As she watched him leave, she could not keep her feelings in any longer. She placed her arms on the table and buried her helmet in them as she began to weep. She again failed at trying to relieve his pain, yet _he_ apologized to _her_.

_No John. _she thought. _I'm the one who's sorry. _

* * *

Someone was rubbing her shoulder, and it felt nice. For a moment she though it was Shepard, but after a second she realized that there were only three fingers on the hand. So, unless Shepard had suffered some unfortunate accident on a mission, it wasn't him.

_Garrus._

She lifted her head up slowly and he stopped rubbing her shoulder.

"Well, good morning." he said in a pleasant mood. "Or rather, good afternoon. Shepard was worried about waking you, but I've been trying for an hour or so, and you haven't so much as stirred."

Tali sat up groggily, wanting desperately to massage the sleepiness out of her eyelids. Then she took a look around to find that she was in the mess area of the _Normandy_.

"Oh keelah, did I fall asleep out here?"

Garrus laughed. "Well I sure didn't drag you out here. I was going to ask you about that. What were you doing out here?"

Tali looked down at the table as she remembered the night before. He had apologized to her, but he still wasn't ready to open up to her. The image of his face again appeared before her eyes, and she shook her head. As long as he was in this condition, she would keep trying to talk to him about it.

"Well, I uh...couldn't sleep last night so...I started to walk around and saw...him sitting...there." she said while pointing to where Garrus was now sitting.

A slight frown formed on the Turians face, and his mandibles twitched.

"Did you talk to him?"

Tali dropped her head again.

"Not really, not about what I wanted to talk about. But...he apologized, except that only made me feel worse." A slight whimper broke through with the last sentence.

Garrus' frown grew at the sound of his friends sadness. He knew this wasn't just someone being concerned for a friend. No, there was a deeper meaning for Tali's concern, and he knew what it was.

"You like him, don't you?"

The question clearly surprised her, and she began to fidget with her fingers the way she always did when a topic made her nervous.

"Well, yes...but only as a...uh, friend...but i want...uh...jeez..." she rambled.

"Tali, you don't have to hide it from me. Besides, I already know, so you may as well come clean."

Tali just stared at Garrus for a few seconds before replying, "Well, then...yes, yes I do."

An awkward silence followed that was only broken by a long sigh let out by Garrus.

"I'll talk with him."

Tali nearly jumped out of her seat at what Garrus had just said.

_No, no no no no!_ She thought.

"No Garrus. I won't let you jeopardize your friendship with him. I can handle it."

"Tali, you're breaking apart at the seams. Besides, he's my friend too, I should be able to talk to him."

Tali could only stare at the Turian. She did not want him to do this, but she could not control him. Besides, he was right.

"Okay, I won't argue."

"You sure? I feel like I won too easily." he said with a smile, which made Tali smile as well.

"Thank you, Garrus."

"Ah, no problem." He said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"When are you going to go talk to him?" she asked.

"Sometime after he gets back from the mission. He should be back soon."

Tali cocked her head to one side quizzically.

"He's on a mission? Why didn't he take us?"

A soft smile formed on Garrus' face as he said, "Well, he wanted to let you rest, and he asked me to watch over you."

Tali felt a smile form on her own face as she jokingly replied, "That must not have been too popular with the rest of the crew."

Garrus laughed.

"You should of seen how Jack took the news. Damn near blew apart the ship."

Tali let out a small chuckle.

"Yeah, I bet she did.".

They sat there smiling for a time until Garrus cleared his throat and stood up.

"Well it was nice talking with you, but I've got some calibrations to make. There's always something to calibrate when dealing with big guns."

Right when he started to walk away the elevator doors opened, and they saw Jacob leading a Drell to the life support area.

"Must be our new recruit." Garrus said to Tali as he walked towards the new comers.

"The Commander up in his cabin?" Garrus asked Jacob.

Jacob merely turned to Garrus and nodded, a slight frown filling his face. Everyone on the ship had heard about Shepard's outburst towards Tali, but even before then they knew that something was bothering him. But they had gotten used to it. It was just a part of their Commander. But Tali would never get used to it. She wouldn't quit until either John opened up to her, or he pushed her away for good. The thought of that made Tali want to cry again.

As if sensing how she was feeling, Garrus walked over and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I'll go talk to him in a bit, but I've still got those calibrations to make." he said in as comforting a voice as he could manage.


	4. Chapter 4

**So, it took me longer to write this chapter than I had wanted, because I had to delete a whole section of it and rewrite it all, I also am trying to multitask ****and write this story as well as develop another one****, so sorry about that. This chapter is also shorter than I had planned, so I apologize for that as well. I'll try to make up for it with the next chapter though.**

**So anyway, I hope you enjoy and will give me feedback as to how you think I did. **

**Thanks for reading.**

* * *

She wanted to find out how the mission went, but she didn't know who to ask. Shepard was out of the question, since part of what she wanted to know concerned him. She didn't trust either of the Cerberus operatives yet, though Jacob was starting to grow on her. She could of sworn he made that comment about meeting the ships AI when they first met just to upset her though. She hadn't really gotten to know Grunt, but she doubted that what she wanted to talk about would be something he was interested in. And Jack? Well, she just plain didn't like Jack. So that left only Mordin, which she was okay with. She liked the Salarian, and always found it interesting to talk with him.

When she entered his lab, she found him at his terminal working on some project, or running some test, as he noticed that someone had entered, he looked up at her and a friendly smile formed on his face.

"Oh, hello Tali'Zorah. Was not expecting you. Something you needed?"

She didn't want to be blunt, she wanted to ease into the conversation that she came here for, so she asked a generic question.

"You seem to be in a good mood. Did the last mission go well?"

Mordin seemed to consider the question before answering.

"Yes. Lots of fighting. Very exciting. Recruited Drell. Not what I expected of an assassin. Has potential. Should be a helpful ally." The Salarian paused for a moment before continuing.

"But, there is something else on your mind."

_Could he really tell? Is it that obvious?_

She began to fidget with her fingers and glanced behind her shoulder. She knew there was no one there, but the action made her feel a little more comfortable.

Tali let out a long sigh. "H-how was Shepard?"

The smile faded from the doctors face; and he lowered his head to think of how to reply. When he lifted his head again, he raised a hand to his chin. "Shepard is a strong leader, good commander. Combat ability equally impressive. But," he inhaled deeply, "reckless. Has little concern for safety. Will needlessly throw himself in harms way, especially when unnecessary. Almost as if daring galaxy to kill him." then he let out a small laugh. "Galaxy always fails."

A frown grew on Tali's face. It was the same during their mission to stop Saren. He would constantly charge large groups of enemies, even Krogan, and engage them in hand-to-hand combat. He would take a beating, but he always seemed to defeat his foes. Then, once the mission was over, he wouldn't even let Dr. Chawkwas check up on him ,unless his condition jeopardized the mission. It didn't seem like he was trying to get himself killed, for she knew he wouldn't let anything stop him from completing his mission. Rather, it seemed as if he were trying to punish himself, for what she didn't know.

"He needs help Mordin, but I...I don't know what to do."

Mordin noded his head, and his tone became somber.

"Yes, feel the same way. Though haven't tried talking to him , not after how he reacted with you. Am surprised that you forgave him so quickly, would have held a grudge myself."

"Well, I knew he was sorry." Was all she could say.

Silence stretched out between them. She watched him rub his chin slowly, as he pondered over his thoughts. Then he shook his head, as if he had just awoke from a dream.

"Your determination admirable. Glad to see it. Wish you luck. If anyone can help him, it would be you."

Tali wasn't so sure, but she appreciated the thought.

"I won't take up any more of your time. Thank you for talking with me."

A sympathetic smile spread across his face. "Not a problem Tali. No bother. Please, come by later if you want to talk more."

* * *

Tali found herself down in Engineering, staring out at the drive core, the full magnificence of it washing over her. The only way she could describe it was...beautiful. She was able to find some small comfort in watching it radiate with energy. Though she would never admit it publicly, Cerberus knew how to build a ship.

Though she truly did love just staring at the thing, it was not the real reason she was down here. She wanted to be alone to organize her thoughts, and to just plainly pass the time. She received a message from Garrus a few minutes ago, stating that he had gone to John's cabin and was about to speak to him. She was giving Garrus time to talk to him, like she said she would. She was still terribly worried that it would strain his relationship with the commander, but he had insisted.

She took one last loving glance at the pulsating drive core before moving back to her terminal. She was trying to make it look as if she was working, but she had already conducted all the repairs and upgrades she could. Every once in a while she would find something that she could do, but those small tasks barely took up any of her time. Sometimes, she hated being a technical genius. Especially under these circumstances, when she needed something to occupy her mind. Every second gave Tali a chance to think about what the conversation between Garrus and John would be like. Every variation she thought of all resulted in both of them angry and threatening to rip each other's throats out.

Then Tali had an idea. _Perhaps if we both go and talk to him at the same time, I can keep things from escalating into a brawl. _It made sense, and Tali silently scolded herself for not thinking of it earlier. So, walking as fast as she could, she made her way to the elevator, repeatedly pushing the button for Johns cabin.

The door shut, but it seemed to be taking forever to reach the top. _Oh hurry up you Bosh'tet. _When finally, the door opened, she practically jumped out of the elevator. She was just about to press the button that opened the door to John's cabin when she heard their voices inside.

"-ammit Shepard, can't you see what you're doing to her?" She heard Garrus yell, and immediately her heart sank.

_Oh no, I knew this was going to happen. _

She stopped her hand before it reached the button and pressed her head against the door in time to hear John's response.

"Of course I do, I'm not stupid!"

"Then why don't you do something about it? Why don't you talk to her?"

"Because, it's not that simple. It's my burden to carry..."

"Bullshit, you're just selfish!"

"How the hell do you figure that?"

"Because, if you can't be happy, then you don't want anyone else to be."

Tali was growing increasingly worried, but she didn't move for she was locked in place.

"You think this is about me? This has never been about me!" Shepard screamed.

"Well you sure as hell don't act like it! Dammit Shepard, she just cares about you! She just wants to help you! But no, you have to make her suffer with you in your sick attempt to make yourself fee-" Garrus was suddenly interrupted by a loud thud, and he didn't say another word for a long time. The silence felt like it draged on for an eternity, and Tali was desperately trying to deduce just what had happened. Soon Garrus broke the silence, but he was not yelling any more. Instead, his voice had grown softer and had even more anger to it, but Tali had to focus on his voice in order to hear it.

"So that's the way it's going to be, huh?"

Without warning the door opened to reveal Garrus trying to leave while rubbing his left cheek. He paused in front of her but didn't keep her gaze for long before moving on to the elevator. She didn't know what to do except stand there in shock, and she turned her attention towards John. His right fist was clenched into a fist, and his face looked like it did when he screamed at her in engineering. When he saw her, the anger didn't leave his face, but he refused to look her in the eye. They stood there for a few moments, locked in their positions. But it was not to last, because Shepard soon began to walk towards her. Hope began to rise inside of her, that maybe she would succeed where Garrus could not. When he reached the door he sighed, shook his head, and pressed a button that slid the door shut in Tali's face. The act left her feeling confused, betrayed and filled with sorrow. She couldn't believe that he just did that. She was so shocked that she could not form any thoughts in her mind. She considered knocking, but knew the action would be futile. For once, Tali didn't want to try anymore. So, as she felt tears start to drop from her eyes, she turned and entered the elevator, pressing the button for the crews quarters. She just wanted to lie down for a while.


End file.
